Webring Post #13

Today's post (or yesterday's, actually...) is:

So with birthdays on the brain, I ask you to tell me about your actual Birth Day. Talk to your mothers, find out what actually transpired on your day of birth.

What a neat topic! Let's see...the day of my birth. The heavens rent, the stars fell, the sky was black as sackcloth...oh wait, no, that's Armageddon. "Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!"

Little baby Fliven was due on June 30th, 1977; however, he was three weeks late. The signs and portents were not ominous enough, apparently. The day before his actual birth was a Sunday, and the first day of the church camp meeting that his parents and his parents' friends were attending. It was ridiculously hot, with temperatures well over a hundred degrees. That evening, mom figured out it was time, and they went to the hospital. Thunderstorms ran rampant through the land, harbingers of the coming doom. And then, at 6:00 a.m. on July 18th to the second, Fliven was born! A healthy young man with no hair and weighing a respectable 8 lbs, 11 oz. There was much to-do, being the first child of this union, the first grandchild on one side, and the 3rd on the other side. But more important, the Fliven was destined to carry his last name! Had he not been born, nor any of his brothers, his branch and the line of his fathers would have been broken. But it perseveres for another generation! And that is the fantastic story of my birth.

For more amazing birth stories, visit the links on the left-hand side of the page!

Our hero. The Evil Monkey. He graces the back window of my car along with a Spyderco logo sticker. I am a big fat nerd.

Where's the Freakin' Other Shoe?!

My weekend was great! I sat around on my butt doing pretty much nothing the entire time. And then today has gone really well for a Monday. Which makes me think "wow, I've had a lot of good stuff happen...there must be something nasty lurking around the corner to balance it out", which may be a pessimistic way of looking at things, but it keeps me sane. And its true. The bad and the good always equal out.

Anyway, I am just sorta killing time at work until I get to go home. I have a pint of Chunky Monkey ice cream that is calling to me..."Fliven," it says, "Fliiiiivennnn...I am yummy banana ice cream with chocolate chunks and walnuts...I am destined for consumption...consuuuuume..." and thus, I must obey the ice cream. You would too.

Today's question: how did I put the belt onto my pants, through all the loops, with my knife clipped to it and not realize it? There will be a small prize for the person with the correct answer.

I dunno...I just thought this was funny.

Another Saturday Night...

Gut Efenink! Zis iz Commandant Fliven...I am beink currently buzzink on ze vast amounts of chocolate und ize cream.

So yesterday I was working in the store, another typical slow day, when around 8:00 a group of not one or two but seven goths somewhere between the ages of 14 and 20 come into the store. Now, this wouldn't strike me as odd, as odd as seven people with black hair, black clothes, and black make-up is, but one of them had a baby. Now you would expect, viewing the appearance of the mother and her gothy crew that the baby would be goth as well. Oh no. This baby was blonde, blue-eyed, and wearing pink camoflauge pajamas. Which leads me to three possible conclusions: they collectively have no more than two or possibly three marbles in their heads, they have stolen a baby, or this baby is the Antichrist; because people would do anything for a cute baby, perhaps even bring about the end of the Earth. And it already had a cadre of dark minions...

Anyway...um...oh yes! The reason I was blogging was to give an update on recent goings-on! So what's happened? Lots of work. We hateses the work, precious. But! For all of those of you amongst my throngs of loyal readers ("My name is Bob, and I am a throng of one") I must needs provide you with the latest Behtia-related drama! Oh my yes.

Last Thursday, I'm sitting around, waiting for Behtia to arrive, just generally being a nervous wreck, when she calls and says there was an accident and she had to divert from the directions. Oh no. That was not good. So I ask where she was. "Near a McDonald's" was the response. Eventally we found her though (at 10th Street and South Dakota Ave NW...not a particularly fun section of town) and got her back to Fliven Manor. We sat around and watched some TV and then crashed.

Friday was spent touring the more fun section of town, which was neat, although the weather could have been better. There was a rather interesting competition going on on the Mall for solar-powered house designs. Some were really neat. Friday night was a fantastic dinner at the International House of Pancakes.

Side Story: Thursday I was checking out e-Bay, and saw a shirt that said "Waffle House Master Grill Operator." I want this shirt.

Saturday we visited ye olde Renaissance Festival with some of my fellow webring bloggers. We made Miss Madchen try on some period garb, which she looked lovely in, but did not in fact end up purchasing. Saturday night was spent taking a leisurely turn about a local mall and then going to dinner at the Melting Pot, which was scrumptious. Then we went home, reeking of fondue (my one sticking point about the MP...you smell like fondue for days) and fell asleep on the sofa. Oh yes, we may have allegedly made out a little bit in the hallway until I was weak in the knees, but I can neither confirm nor deny that...

Sunday afternoon we went to Great Falls and traipsed around. The rule of the day was "Don't Touch the Ecosystem!" Quite an enjoyable afternoon. We got some pumpkin spice latte's and talked for a bit. Then watched Simpsons Season 3 on DVD until five in the morning. I've never enjoyed watching Simpsons more. And then she drove home several hours later, which was sad. But the good news is I am going down to visit in 19 days. Let the countdown begin! Don't worry locals, I'll be back in plenty of time to stand in line in the cold for Harry Potter...

The link this week is for an important news article, especially for those of you with friends or relatives in Pittsburgh: Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack

Where's Mr. Bad Apologies? Obviously, in a car with a girl, a wizard, an evil twin, and a dog wearing glasses!

Webring Post #12

This week's topic was supposed to be posted by Mr. Bad Apologies, but no one has heard from him in several days. Speculate on what is keeping him so busy that he can't fulfill basic tasks. Incorporate things that he has written about, and link to his past blog entries whenever possible.

I think the problem began with all this "world tour"-ing. Its "oh, I can't blog because I'm in Chicago" or "I'm standing 'on line' in New York, no time to blog now even though I'm three weeks behind" and so on.

Or perhaps it is because he has been hired by the Russian government to spy on the "Faggot Crack House", which is really a front for a Top Secret U.S. facility.

Although it has recently become apparent that he could be on top of a bell tower at the FedEx Headquarters in Atlanta, raining mayhem down on the parties responsible for the iPod debacle. And it would be justified.

Umm...that's it. For more speculations, please visit the links on the left!

Today is a happy day, so dance a merry jig!

Whirling Dervish of Defectery

Today I have finally begun to catch up on all the processing of defects that is part of my duties...I have been remiss in this for some time, due to one thing and another. And you know, it takes a special kind of person to reach blindly or root around carelessly in a big box of defective German-forged kitchen knives. But that's why the pay me the "big bucks." And by "big bucks" I mean not the big bucks.

Of course, the big news today is that Behtia, my going-to-date-possible-relationship-if-we-can-figure-out-how-to-work-out-the-600-miles-separation-thing significant other will be arriving for a few days! I am deleriously excited and more than a little nervous. Something that's odd if you ask me--I can root around heedlessly without fear in a box of twisted, sharpened steel but this has me edgy.

Nevertheless, we have many exciting things planned, and things should go wonderfully. I mean, with renaissance festivals and museums and Old Navy and movies and fabulous restaraunts and hiking all with a beautiful woman on my arm, all while skipping work, how could it be anything but good? Although she hasn't seen Neverending Story. Which is just wrong. I'm going to have to start providing a "required reading/viewing" list for potential SO's. :)

Also, my hair is now short. And I still art no craven. (That's a quote from The Raven, for those of you who don't know, and the complete line goes "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou," I said, "art no craven.") It took 3 trips to 2 different hair salons, but I got it done. Phase 1, or the "larvae" stage, was getting the bulk of my long hair cut...so it was only just hitting the tops of my shoulders. I have to tell you, I had no idea hair weighed that much! It felt like a great burden had been lifted. This led to Phase 2, or the "pupae" stage, where I spent a day with hair that was just long enough to get in a ponytail. I went back and got more cut, getting closer to what I wanted, but the lady was incompetent and stupid; a deadly combination when a person has scissors next to your head. Thus began Phase 3, or the "my god what was I thinking" stage, had me spending a day with hair like Prince Valiant. Not good. Suffered through that until the next day when I went someplace else to a hair stylist who was actually good, and entered Phase 4, the "imago" stage, where my hair is as short as its going to get, and if I style it right, looks good.

Other than that, my health is good, my job is tolerable, my apartment is clean, and I have new Wheel of Time to read! Who could ask for more? And I had some important advice to share, but I forgot it...

The poet strikes once again...

Webring Post #11

This week's post, brought to you by Poppygirl, 4, 9, and the letter Q, is: In whatever writing style you feel moved to use (poetry,prose, list...) I want you to detail 5 thing you are (traits, titles or descriptions), 5 things you aren't, and 5 things you want to be.

An interesting topic! At first glance, easy...but has layers upon layers, like an onion. Or I'm just smoking crack again. Either way, here goes.

Who is the Fliven now?
I will tell you, I solemnly vow.
He is taciturn, quite the quiet;
And sometimes a laugh riot.
Treats his fellow man with parity,
Occasionally is a sideshow rarity.
Sangfroid of the first degree--
That's who Fliven doth be.

What is the Fliven not?
I shall detail it, every jot.
He lacks a style gregarious,
And doesn't do drugs nefarious.
He is not tan of skin, I say,
And is (sorry, men) not gay.
Not in the least by fame driven;
These are the things not Fliven.

How does the Fliven wish to be?
This will be fun, as you shall see!
Perhaps some mighty mutant power,
Or to find the cancer-curing flower.
A marriage to some beautiful girl;
And a galleon like The Black Pearl.
Around the world on a fun jaunt,
That's what the Fliven does want.
===========================
For more on this topic, please use the links on the left-hand side of the page to go to the other sites in this webring!

My hair's not QUITE that long yet...

Life Update

Okay! Now that I am caught up on my webposts, I can regale you all with tales of my goings-on.

So! Um...let's see...in the last week or so...lots of time spent at work trying to get some extra cash on hand. Read a couple good books. Watched Garfield in Spanish. And am counting down the days and practically the hours till Behtia arrives (6 and 3/4 days).

Not much else to speak of, unfortunately! But some exciting things will be happening in the weeks ahead, so stay tuned. Besides a most crucial visit from a VIP, (*nudge wink*), there is the imminent release of a new Wallace & Gromit feature, not to mention the next installment in the Wheel of Time series! Can I get an amen out there? Only been waiting like, two years for this book. Also coming up at the end of the month is a getaway with certain notables for a relaxing lake-filled weekend. Good times...goooood times...

Anyway...hope you enjoy my new profile image...looks like me, while maintaining a veneer of anonymity. Thanks to Ishy for the link!

Watch it! Kazoo has the Holy Hand Grenade!

Webring Post #10

This week's topic, courtesy of Miss NYCRouge, is:

Open up the nearest book or publication. Go to the middle of the book and select the sentence that comes at the top of the page. From this sentence, draft a very short bit of fiction, the zanier the better. I'm thinking no more than 100 words, but closer to 50.

Well, I opened up Issue #42 of Renaissance Magazine, which was sitting on my desk (I was checking renaissance festival dates throughout the area) and I flipped to page 44, and read the following sentence:

Indeed, medieval paintings were, for the most part, flat, unrefined pictures that depicted saints and other religious figures.

And now, a very short bit of fiction on the subject.

-"Hey."
-"What?"
-"How come, even though my feet are both pointing straight sideways, I'm not falling over?"
-"You moron, I've told you, its because we're flat, unrefined pictures!"
-"Okay, fine, but that doesn't explain why you're like, three times as tall as I am! Are you a giant or something?"
-"No you stupid little midget! For the last time, its because the painter's perspective sucks."
-"You don't have to yell at me, you bloated hairy cow!"
-"Shut...up."
-"Fine."
-"Good."
-"But what's with the little elf guy on your shoulder? Is that 'Kazoo'? Ha! Dum-dum!"
-"That's Jesus Christ you daft manikin! We're frickin' religious figures. And at least you don't have snakes wrapped around your legs..."
-"Whatever. This monk's robe itches. I am seriously starting to chafe."

For more on this topic, please use the links on the left-hand side of the page!

For the affluent time traveler, we have a lovely brass-and-mahogany piece sure to bring a touch of class to ANY time period.

Webring Post #9

This week's (or last week's...I'm running a little behind...) webtopic, provided by yours truly, is:

If you had a time machine you could use only once, what would you do with it? Would you go to the past or the future? Whom would you want to meet or what would you want to see?

Well, I thought it was a fun topic. Once does include round-trip...otherwise, what would be the point? It'd be a Timeline scenario, where you're digging up your own sarcophagus. That has to be all kinds of disturbing.

My two thoughts are this:

I could go into the future, see how things turn out, and decide if I want to change things. Because a little extra cash thanks to lottery forethought would be very nice. Then I could build my castle in the forest, a cottage by the sea, and settle back and work on my memoirs.

Or, I could go into the past, meet some really remarkable people, and still make a lot of money. Knowing what I know about the stock market crash of 1929, I could make a killing! Just hang on to those certificates! Or baseball cards. Can you imagine buying an entire BOX of Babe Ruth rookie cards or autographed baseballs and putting them someplace safe until today? Or Action Comics #1? I saw a restored copy of that on auction for $250,000.

But its not all about the money. I have to admit, I'd like to go to Woodstock, or hang out with Charlemagne and Joan of Arc. It'd be amazing. How about getting daVinci to do your portrait? I bet that would really confound some art historians! Oh, how they'd squawk.

Most of all though, I'd like to go back and talk to myself as a child. Not to change anything, but just for the perspective on who I am as a person. I think that would be the most remarkable and worthwhile thing ever.

For more on this topic, please visit the links on the left-hand side of the page!

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important post...