Sage Advice

My little baby brother is getting married in about 2 months, and recently my father asked me if I had any advice to pass on to him, given my vast 3 and a half years of experience. I gave some glib answer, as I recall, but after thinking about it for awhile, I did have some advice. Here's what I've come up with:

1. Get used to being late for things.

2. Never EVER forget a birthday, anniversary, or significant holiday. I always keep a gift or good gift idea on hand in case it gets down to the wire.

3. You can be 100% right, prove it, back it up with hard evidence, and still lose an argument.

4. Your greatest fear will become anything bad happening to her.

5. There will be blood, sweat, and tears. But it will be worth it.

6. If you can agree on how to squeeze the toothpaste, what type of pet to own, how to re-spool the toilet paper, and at least two TV shows, any arguments you may have should be minimal.

7. Do your best each day to work on the marriage, provide and care for her, love her, and to improve yourself. If you don't do your best, you're not worthy of her. That's all there is to it.

8. Say your sorry even if its not your fault, or you didn't do anything wrong. Be the bigger person.

9. Getting along with her mother is required. Getting along with her siblings is optional.

10. Being willing to die for her is easy. Any fool can go out and get himself killed. LIVING for someone is infinitely more difficult. You've got to be willing to give up everything else for the next 50 or so years and dedicate your life to doing this one thing.

11. That outfit NEVER EVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER makes her look fat.