Thundercats NO!
On Sunday I went with my wife and her friend KS and her boyfriend to see G.I. Joe. It was a good movie, which I enjoyed. They could have made it fantastic with the addition of a few things, such as:
1. Instead of a Brendan Fraser cameo of him training the troops, why did they not get Sgt. Slaughter? That would have been awesome, as he is one of the few G.I. Joe action figures that's actually a real person.
2. No PSA at the end of the film. That's whack, yo.
3. While I can accept Cobra Commander having a Vader-esque voice instead of hissy, raspy voice, and I can accept that he's a wussy human science officer instead of another species, I protest that the mask at the end was stupid and un-Cobra like.
4. Matching uniforms. Not necessary, and not Joe-like. The difference in uniform was part of their identity as a unit of the elite from various areas.
Furthermore, thoughts were entertained afterwards amongst the group about other cartoon shows from the 80's being made into movies, and their relative successes, etcetera. One such show mentioned was Thundercats. I was thinking about that show today and realized several reasons why I didn't like it as a TV show, much less a movie:
1. The fact that the villains never seemed to be able to find the Thundercats Lair. Its a gigantic black and white metal cat building built on the side of a freakin' mountain. I could find it blindfolded and drunk. Seriously.
2. The ThunderTank. Thundercats' primary mode of transportation. They live in a heavily wooded, sparsely populated area, meaning few paths, much less roads, and they think a high speed tank is the best thing to be weaving in and out of trees? It would make more sense to see a ThunderHorseDrawnCart.
3. What the heck is Snarf? If Papa Smurf and a mutant gerbil and a kimodo dragon had a love child, and you had it raised by Scooby Doo, it might end up being Snarf. There's no WAY this thing could happen otherwise.
4. Lazy writers. For the heroes they had cool fitting names that described their feline affiliation, such as Cheetara, Panthro, etc. The villains were named 'Vulture Man' and 'Jackal Man'. What is THAT? Where's the Vultro or Jackalia or whatever? Stupid.
5. Lion-O. First of all, his voice is such that it sounds like he's shouting ALL THE TIME. Secondly, the other characters resemble, albeit sometimes cursory, the cats for which they are named; i.e., Panthro is black, Tygra is tiger-striped, Cheetara has spots and runs fast, and so on. Lion-O is beige. Not even yellow, like a lion, but beige. And he has red poofy hair. How is that lion-like? Ronald McDonald has red poofy hair, does that make HIM lion-like?
6. The arch-foe is Mumm-Ra, some kind of ancient mummy guy who's possessed by this evil power thing. Its very unclear how it works, but every episode he turns from this teeny frail mummy guy into giant blue-gray buff killer monster guy. Which begs the question, WHY DOESN'T HE STAY THAT WAY ALL THE TIME?!!?
7. This whole Egyptian undertone. Cat people, mummies, jackal people, vulture people. Egyptian. Fine. If you're going to go with that, then doesn't Jackal Man, who, like Osiris, king of the gods, is jackal-headed, doesn't that mean HE should be the one ruling things? Instead of being Mumm-Ra's flunkie? And what about Mumm-Ra? Wouldn't that make him a pharoah? What gives the stupid Thundercats the right to dispute his rule?
8. How stupid does a guy have to be to go into battle alone against multiple opponents on flying machines with lasers, while carrying nothing but a sword and a glove? And not using the element of surprise?
9. Tygra's weapon is a whip-like bolas that turns him invisible. Awesome, right? And yet, he's ALWAYS the first one to get caught. And Snarf, the fat, dim-witted, slow-moving, non-weaponed 'comedy relief' is usually last.
10. One of their villains was a robot space pirate named 'Captain Cracker'. I think that tells you all you need to know about this show.
1. Instead of a Brendan Fraser cameo of him training the troops, why did they not get Sgt. Slaughter? That would have been awesome, as he is one of the few G.I. Joe action figures that's actually a real person.
2. No PSA at the end of the film. That's whack, yo.
3. While I can accept Cobra Commander having a Vader-esque voice instead of hissy, raspy voice, and I can accept that he's a wussy human science officer instead of another species, I protest that the mask at the end was stupid and un-Cobra like.
4. Matching uniforms. Not necessary, and not Joe-like. The difference in uniform was part of their identity as a unit of the elite from various areas.
Furthermore, thoughts were entertained afterwards amongst the group about other cartoon shows from the 80's being made into movies, and their relative successes, etcetera. One such show mentioned was Thundercats. I was thinking about that show today and realized several reasons why I didn't like it as a TV show, much less a movie:
1. The fact that the villains never seemed to be able to find the Thundercats Lair. Its a gigantic black and white metal cat building built on the side of a freakin' mountain. I could find it blindfolded and drunk. Seriously.
2. The ThunderTank. Thundercats' primary mode of transportation. They live in a heavily wooded, sparsely populated area, meaning few paths, much less roads, and they think a high speed tank is the best thing to be weaving in and out of trees? It would make more sense to see a ThunderHorseDrawnCart.
3. What the heck is Snarf? If Papa Smurf and a mutant gerbil and a kimodo dragon had a love child, and you had it raised by Scooby Doo, it might end up being Snarf. There's no WAY this thing could happen otherwise.
4. Lazy writers. For the heroes they had cool fitting names that described their feline affiliation, such as Cheetara, Panthro, etc. The villains were named 'Vulture Man' and 'Jackal Man'. What is THAT? Where's the Vultro or Jackalia or whatever? Stupid.
5. Lion-O. First of all, his voice is such that it sounds like he's shouting ALL THE TIME. Secondly, the other characters resemble, albeit sometimes cursory, the cats for which they are named; i.e., Panthro is black, Tygra is tiger-striped, Cheetara has spots and runs fast, and so on. Lion-O is beige. Not even yellow, like a lion, but beige. And he has red poofy hair. How is that lion-like? Ronald McDonald has red poofy hair, does that make HIM lion-like?
6. The arch-foe is Mumm-Ra, some kind of ancient mummy guy who's possessed by this evil power thing. Its very unclear how it works, but every episode he turns from this teeny frail mummy guy into giant blue-gray buff killer monster guy. Which begs the question, WHY DOESN'T HE STAY THAT WAY ALL THE TIME?!!?
7. This whole Egyptian undertone. Cat people, mummies, jackal people, vulture people. Egyptian. Fine. If you're going to go with that, then doesn't Jackal Man, who, like Osiris, king of the gods, is jackal-headed, doesn't that mean HE should be the one ruling things? Instead of being Mumm-Ra's flunkie? And what about Mumm-Ra? Wouldn't that make him a pharoah? What gives the stupid Thundercats the right to dispute his rule?
8. How stupid does a guy have to be to go into battle alone against multiple opponents on flying machines with lasers, while carrying nothing but a sword and a glove? And not using the element of surprise?
9. Tygra's weapon is a whip-like bolas that turns him invisible. Awesome, right? And yet, he's ALWAYS the first one to get caught. And Snarf, the fat, dim-witted, slow-moving, non-weaponed 'comedy relief' is usually last.
10. One of their villains was a robot space pirate named 'Captain Cracker'. I think that tells you all you need to know about this show.
posted by Fliven | 10:42 AM
1 Comments:
#1 I thought your blog was dead. I am glad it is not.
#2 This is the funniest thing I have read all week. So, you know, thanks for that.
#3 Why no post youe updates to facebook?
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